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Foster Kid
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Thankfully, this year was filled with grace, love, and teachable moments. Situations and experiences that 2022 provided contained many precious life lessons for my loved ones and me. I am excited to be able to share them with you in this post; here are 22 lessons learned from 2022, I hope they hold something for you, too!
1. The impossible becomes possible as soon as we totally surrender. 2. Don’t shy away from challenges of life, confront them voluntarily. 3. Comfort is a waste of potential. 4. If you master the mind, you can master anything. 5. The opposite of growing is dying. 6. Sometimes our fears (and even our love) can blind us. 7. Do the next best thing…. 8. Turn your wounds into a gift for society. 9. Learn how to recover from falling by failing. 10. Love yourself unconditionally and be yourself fearlessly. 11. If and when I notice negative thoughts creeping in, allow them to pass through with acceptance and without judgment. 12. We are here to honor our own individual path. 13. Your mind has to tell your body who is in charge. 14. 70 degrees is perfect for an Open Water Swim. 15. Move well, move strong, move more, move fast. 16. If you bite off more than you chew, chew! 17. Reflect, Release, Reset. 18. Suffering does not destroy faith, it defines it. 19. Immerse yourself in prayer. 20. The more you let go, the more you have. 21. When the mountain seems too steep, think about what the view will look like on the peak. 22. This world is not my home; I am just passing through... Have a Happy New Year, stay safe, and well. Until next Monday....
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I spent last weekend in Washington with my brother and sister celebrating my father’s 70th birthday. During this visit, I reflected on my relationship with my father. Unfortunately, addiction made him a stranger. I often wonder how I survived my childhood (no humor intended). As the child of an addict, I can tell you it isn’t like the movies. I don’t think there is an illicit drug or way to get high (or low) that my father didn’t at least attempt once. If you could smoke, drink, snort, or pop it, dad was all in. My father’s addictions did not hold any poetic or noble lesson. In fact, I rejected virtually every life lesson he attempted to instill in me throughout my upbringing. He did not have the mental or physical ability to show up as a dad. I Was So Lonely Few truly understand how isolating life is as a child of an addicted parent. I carried so much shame. If we had electricity, it was usually stolen from a neighbor, the house was dilapidated and filthy, and we rarely had heat. If our clothes were laundered, it was because my dad’s mother would collect our things to do them at her house because we didn’t have a washer or dryer. Making friends was so challenging. I couldn’t have friends over to my house (for obvious reasons) and I felt completely out of place at anyone’s house with a “normal” home life. Invisible As a defense mechanism, I learned how to make myself invisible at home. While my dad is a "happy" addict, he was not a protective parent. Our home was filled with addicts, abusers, prostitutes and the like. Police officers and occasionally the SWAT team would check in on the house. I witnessed violent rampages and knew how to make myself invisible–because I had no one to run to for protection. If my father saw someone hurt me, he would do nothing to help. In fact, he would add to my pain by laughing and teasing me if I was visibly upset. All I could do was hide, freeze, and remain expressionless, so they couldn’t feed off of my pain and sadness. Eventually, they’d move on to the next thing or pass out–either was fine by me. Breaking Away I wish I could say my father came to his senses, recovered, and is overcoming his disease with addiction. However, the reality is that has never happened. He used when I was a young child and continues to do so today. I graduated high school with a second-grade reading level. I barely got by in school–let alone could I be an academic whiz. I was fortunate in one respect though. I learned that children from my background are FOUR times more likely to become substance abusers into adulthood. That was never me. On both a conscious and subconscious level, I rejected alcohol and drugs. I graduated high school, moved to California, and ran from the life I knew. Sins of the Past I didn’t escape completely unscathed, though. I was an emotional wreck. I struggled to relate to others in any normal or healthy way. I cried and feared my parents' demons, which stole my childhood, could also steal the childhood of my own children. However, I broke that cycle. A Whole New Life I refuse to let the demons of my past define my present or future. I unfortunately know terror and stress well, and many emotional wounds from my childhood cut deep. But I’ve learned how to open up and connect to others in positive ways. My relationship with my husband, friends, and children are better than I could have ever dreamed. I broke the cycle for my children and continue to heal myself from the pain of my childhood. With the help of my husband Steve, we have built a beautiful life with healthy, happy children. I am Free and at Peace Since I left home after high school, my relationship with my dad has been minimal. Early on I realized I didn’t have to hate or battle my way through life each day. Through forgiveness and letting go, I was able to reach acceptance and find empathy. My father has a disease. I made the commitment to visit my father once a year. During these visits my intention is to laugh and enjoy the time together. I don’t dwell in the past, try to fix him, or stew with hate. Instead, I hope to create new, positive memories with whatever time we have left in this lifetime. Until Next Monday…  In previous posts, I have described how certain holiday seasons were hard for me to find the Christmas spirit (and how many others are struggling and in pain during this time of year). But I also want to share the reasons I choose to celebrate the season.
1.) To Celebrate the Birth of Jesus When the world was driven to darkness, Jesus was the guiding light that illuminated a different path, away from darkness and towards Godliness. My family attends Christmas Eve mass together each year. We prioritize celebrating the gift that Christ is, rather than the gifts under the tree. 2.) To Spread Joy The definition of joy is “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.” To me, that is giving, loving, and laughing more. One of my favorite aspects of Christmas is how my husband, kids, and grandkids laugh together. We can carry and spread joy all season long! 3.) To Share Peace, Faith, and Love Christmas is a holiday observed by people of all creeds and faiths. This is a festive time honoring love, warmth, joy, and selflessness. We can be a good neighbor and show kindness to strangers and our loved ones, embracing those who celebrate similarly and dissimilarly to us. 4.) To Experience the Joy of Giving During the holiday season, people share food, gifts, and time. You can refer to my last post (#47: Blessing Others During the Holiday Season) for ways to give. Inner joy comes not from receiving, but in giving. 5.) Happy Times with Loved Ones I am fortunate to feel the warmth and affection of my loved ones during the Christmas holiday. My children and grandchildren come home, and we share time and make memories together. We watch movies together (even though we’ve seen them over 100 times), bake and break bread together, and play games (an egg toss and cookie contest to name a few). We connect with each other and always share what we are most grateful for with, and the house is filled with so much laughter. I hope you find ways to spend meaningful time with family or friends who feel like family. 6.) Bringing Light into the World How you show up to your job, Christmas mass, gatherings with family and friends matters. Be a light. Don’t be a scrooge or obsess over the “stuff” under the tree. This doesn’t mean put on a fake happy face, but rather I hope inspires you to find a way to carry joy with you and let it radiate from you. Helen Keller lost her hearing and sight as a child, but a woman named Annie Sullivan came into her life and taught her how to hear and see without using her eyes. Annie Sullivan was Helen Keller's light. Why do you celebrate Christmas? What is the meaning of the season for you and your family? Is there a tradition that you love? Why? Is there something you wish to change? Do it! I would love to hear from you in the comments, and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Until Next Monday... Any time of year the old adage, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” holds true. However, during the holiday season, it can hold a much deeper meaning. If you reflect back upon ways, you have been blessed, you might also look ahead and think about how you too can bless others. There are many ways to give, and I invite you to consider how you can give in a personal way.
Over the years I have sought to give back in different ways. Feeding others is a great way to support people struggling. I have served food to the homeless, as well as dropped groceries and gifts on porches of families I knew who were going through a tough time. With inflation as high as it is, I can almost guarantee there is someone you know struggling to feed their families. Another population that I support during this time of year, is families of incarcerated parents. While many consider giving to the homeless or foster children (all noble causes) one that often flies under the radar for receiving support is this one. I give to Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree, which provides gifts to kids on behalf of their incarcerated parents. Is there a cause that is personal to you that you’d like to volunteer for? Can you research and find a way to connect with those struggling in your community and help in some way? Maybe you could make dinner for a single mom, support a neighbor whose husband is deployed, or a family who just had a baby. You could adopt a family, or even consider if there is a friend, family member or co-worker struggling a little more than normal that you could aid in some way? No matter what your definition of giving is (time, gifts, money, love, words of encouragement, compassion), it is important to remember that YOU can help spread holiday cheer and bring joy to others. Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.” -Ruth Carter Stapleton Until Next Monday… |
AuthorPollyann Keller Archives
October 2024
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