Sharing about the abuse and neglect I experienced as a child is not easy. However, I believe sharing our story is important--even if it makes the listener (or person sharing) feel pangs of discomfort. Though sharing for the right reasons also matters. I am not disclosing details for attention or for an excuse to play the victim. Instead, I want others to know breaking the cycle of abuse IS possible and is a choice.
My caretakers did not keep me safe or give unconditional love. Not only were my basic needs neglected, but I experienced physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my mom, dad, and foster parent. I was beaten with large wooden boards, bathed in scalding hot water, and left naked in the cold. My parents never parented or protected me, I had to do that myself. When my daughter made me a mother at 24, I sure as hell didn't have a good blueprint to refer to. I suppose some of the survival-strategies of self-parenting I had to apply to my own life helped me. I am very grateful for my incredible husband and partner, Steve, who had a rocky upbringing too. Together we intentionally chose to break that cycle. We wanted our children to know love and safety and to provide that for them. We were not coddling parents though. From my upbringing--as dark as it was sometimes-- taught me an important lesson: you need to be able to take care of yourself. So, this was a lesson I wanted to instill in all three of my children. I had no clue how to be a 'good' parent, but I definitely knew what it looked like to be a bad one. I chose laughter. I chose consistency. I chose boundaries. I chose love. I said a whole lot of prayers--and today I am proud to say my children do not know abuse or neglect. They know Steve and I love them, believe in them, and are their biggest cheerleaders. We are there too when they need help solving a problem, but we work hard not to fix it for them. The cycle of abuse stopped with us. And now that I am a grandma, it makes me feel that much more joy to know how much better their lives will be. It's easy (and comfortable) to lean into what you know (even if it is something negative). But it is worth it to do the hard work and CHOOSE to transcend abusive patterns. You don't need to be a perfect parent to be a great parent, but you do need to show up, do your best, and be the adult you wished you had. Until Next Monday... This is Kelly--breaking our third wall--and I am here to add an addendum to this post. When Pollyann sent her notes on this topic I was inspired to reach out to her daughters to ask their thoughts about their mom breaking the cycle of abuse. While I believe hearing from Pollyann's perspective is important, there is a power to hearing first-hand from her daughters. I have added their comments below: "My mom is beautiful proof that breaking the cycle is possible. She has always told us that life is built on choices, and as an adult, you realize there are a lot of choices to be made. One of the choices she made was to break the cycle and this involved making many small, difficult sacrifices throughout her adult life. Now, as an adult myself, I realize that is not a choice I have to make, and I am forever grateful. Growing up, my mom would schedule meeting with the principal of the school before school registration to ENSURE we had the best teacher. For her, going to school as a kid was a traumatizing experience and she knew the impact the teacher had on our experience and education. This is a way she broke the chain and made me feel safe and taken care of, while being in someone else’s care. My mom NEVER took a sip of alcohol, and I as I grew older, I started to realize that wasn’t the norm. I then learned that she wasn’t willing to take even the smallest risk of becoming addicted while we were under her roof. She knew addiction ran deep in her family and saw the consequences firsthand. It wasn’t until my brother's high school graduation that she took her first sip of a margarita. As I grew up, she knew she couldn’t shelter us from the world, but she made sure our world was protected and safe. I always knew she would be there to fight for me and support me." - Sierra "My mom provided so much love and safety for me growing up which has had a major impact on who I am now. I never experienced walking into our home and ever feeling unsafe. Consistent, she was so consistent with her love and kindness. She provided for us so well, all the while not losing sight of herself, her dreams and her goals. As a mom now, it’s incredible that I have this example of what it’s like to love your family and yourself. Love begets love and the love she gave me growing up, seeps into me loving my own girls. I’m so grateful." - Liz
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It came like a whoosh with a hot flash. Menopause greeted me with one helluva heat wave in the middle of the night in 2021. From that moment, my internal thermostat seemed to break. I no longer felt like my healthy, happy self. Instead, I felt like a sweaty, disoriented, and bloated zombie. Not that there is ever a good time to enter menopause, but I was experiencing these severe symptoms while working full-time, beginning my coaching journey, and training for IRONMAN Cozumel.
I was beyond frustrated. Everything I read recommended eating healthy (do that), exercise (check), and prioritize sleep (I keep a strict and early bedtime). Here I was doing everything “right” yet I was sweating uncontrollably, unable to sleep, and emotionally at the end of my rope (a very scary headspace to be in). The hot flashes were incessant, I became depressed and wondered if I would ever feel like myself again. As hard as it was (and believe me the struggle was REAL) I knew I had to take control of the situation. With tears in my eyes, I sat in my doctor’s office and discussed a plan. Although I hoped to avoid taking hormones, after testing my levels my doctor recommended a low dose of hormone replacement therapy. I have since returned to tweak the dose four times and know that continued regular appointments will be important for the foreseeable future. I still have a lot I want to accomplish in life, and while menopause is certainly adding another layer of difficulty, it will not halt my progress or goals. Instead, I realize it will be something I have to mindfully manage. I handled these severe symptoms while training for IRONMAN Cozumel (including irregular, heavy bleeding). So to be proactive, I will check in with my doctor and get blood work every three months and revise treatment as necessary. Currently, my status is stable; but that doesn’t mean that I am free of symptoms. Instead it just means they are not as significant (for instance, instead of dripping sweat I just feel very warm during a hot flash). Whether you’re reading this as a woman experiencing menopause or as a loved one of someone who is, I hope it helps give perspective into how challenging it can be. My husband Steve helped me so much. He was incredibly understanding, slept like a popsicle when I was burning up with AC and fans blasting. He even spent time awake in the middle of the night researching right along with me. So if you are experiencing menopause, I hope you lean in to your loved ones for support and if you love someone going through it, I hope you shower them with love and grace. Trust me, it means more than you know. This is a topic I am compelled to share about because I do not feel like women (and women athletes) talk about the impact of this phase enough. I want to be clear that these are MY experiences and are by no means indicative of what anyone else will experience. However, simply being healthy does not necessarily enable you to transition into menopause smoothly. The process of menopause could take weeks, months, or years. What I know is that I will do my best to roll with the punches and keep pushing myself to all the aspirations I have for my next phase of life. Until Next Monday… In the spirit of spring break in Texas, I wanted to take this week’s post in a different (and lighter) direction. After sending Kelly reflective notes on the topic of life knocking you down, she felt inspired by those words to craft a poem. I hope you find motivation and inspiration in the couplets, and remember that regardless of the struggles, stresses, or stagnation you might feel in life: you can choose to rise again, begin again, and stand tall again. Until Next Monday… Stand Tall
The many trials of life can knock you down Especially when you aren’t born with a silver spoon or a crown. It’s complex, challenging, and obstacle filled, When events feel forced and rarely willed. Choose to keep trying, keep seeing the light Pain, sorrow, and difficulty put up a good fight. But resist as you can, and always do your best. Do not quit fully, but rather learn how to rest. Sometimes your progress will slow down or stall. A helping hand you can find, if you call. Baby steps on tiptoes, sometimes are all you can take, But movement eventually leaves momentum in its wake. Tools like nature, exercise, and prayer help you get by When live events smother you and make you cry. Being knocked down doesn’t mean you are weak. Even failure holds lessons, if that’s the mindset you seek. Life can be rough, but you’ve got this I know, Because life ebbs and flows and won’t always feel low. Keep breathing and moving and asking for a hand, Even in the stormiest of waters, you’ll eventually find land. I have fallen a bunch and this I want you to know: Just get back up, learn from your fall, and grow. It isn’t the number of times that you fall, but It’s living a life that is real and raw while standing tall. Since completing 50 marathons in 50 states in Maui in January, I have only been able to complete one run. While running at the gym, I jumped off the treadmill because I felt an intense, sharp pain in my hip. While I don't frequently get massages, I opted to see my chiropractor, who specializes in deep tissue, to see if she could help work out whatever was causing my discomfort. She told me that I developed Hip Flexor Tendonitis. After a few very painful sessions, my hip felt better, but I still could not run.
Instead of putting my feet up and accepting total defeat, I did what I could. My hip was not bothered by the Stairmaster, my bike, or swimming; therefore, I could keep moving (just not running for the time being). I had already signed up (and paid) for the Cowtown Ultra which was the last weekend in February. Since this is one of my favorite events to support, I knew I was going to at least attempt to complete the Ultra. The tendonitis was an injury I was aware of in the background (fortunately the sharp pain was not a constant experience). I told myself that I would take it easy and jog Cowtown and listen to my body. If that sharp pain came back--I would walk or call it quits. If that is the worst thing that could happen, it truly wouldn't be that bad (and I could just cheer on Steve and enjoy the day). My next big goal is my Texas IRONMAN in April, and my intention was to make sure my race at Cowtown did not jeopardize that. At the same time, I wasn't going to coddle myself and not try--I would simply do what I could and what felt right that day. By mile three I had lost my gloves (and Steve). Initially the day was very cold, but the temperature rose, and the sun was shining making it a gorgeous Texas-winter day. My hip felt tight, but I was free of any sharp pain. By mile 13 I stopped for cookies (and found Steve). I was moved to tears by the sight of bystanders holding American flags on a bridge and soaking up all the fun along the course. When I saw "Mile 31" I let myself go and finished strong. Wouldn't you know, I finished second in my age group! I could have told myself to just "Rest, don't risk your IRONMAN in April." Instead, I chose to set reasonable limits and expectations for myself: "I will try but adjust if I really need to." By TRYING, I found out I COULD. If we choose not to try, then we will ALWAYS remain unsuccessful, but if we DO try there's only a CHANCE we will fail. Conditions will never be perfect. There will always be an injury, a financial cost, or some type of reason you can use as an excuse. While we can try to avoid getting injured, it can happen to anyone. Rest, recovery, and healing are important; however, with a little planning, common sense, a doctor's approval (if necessary) it is possible (and I believe healthier) to keep moving anyway you can. So that is what I chose to do. I kept up with my early morning exercise routine while allowing my hip to properly recover. In doing so, I strengthened my hip and the surrounding structures. Recovering from an injury (big or small) is no easy feat; however, the comeback can be stronger than the setback. Just like in everyday life: there will be challenges thrown your way that you need to face and overcome. Whatever the injury, whatever the challenge, remember that limits begin where the vision ends. Stay positive and press on to victory! Until Next Monday... |
AuthorPollyann Keller Archives
December 2023
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