#3: The Power in Your Story

Our strongest memories are often those associated with a powerful emotional response. Therefore it isn't surprising that the earliest memory I can recall is seeing my dad drag my mom by her hair down the street. Abuse has unfortunately been a pervasive theme in my life, both experienced personally and observed professionally. 

Another memory that lingers at the forefront of my mind is reading A Child Called It, by Dave Pezler. This book details the horrific abuse and neglect Pezler suffered by his mentally-ill mother. While I do not recall the details of this book, the feeling of shock I felt is still palpable. "Someone else was abused by their mother, it wasn't just me." Up until this point, I had always heard of other male figures--like fathers and  uncles being abusive, but not mothers. I found so much solace in just knowing someone else had an experience like mine: I wasn't alone.

Pezler was brave to write about abuse and share his experience. He went on to author six more titles and continues to heal himself and others through his words. By reading about his experience, I felt empowered. I read this book when I was beginning my college journey in my late twenties. At the time, I was reading at a second-grade level, working, and raising a family. While it took me ten years to complete my degree (another story for another post), I persisted. Pezler's vulnerability motivated me to live in my own truth, rather than burying it. He also reaffirmed my believe that I am capable of helping others because of those experiences, and showed me I don't need to be a victim to my past traumas. 

Now, again I find myself refining how I can help others heal (while continuing to heal myself). As a certified trauma coach, I hope to help others rise above the abuse of their past--not just survive but thrive. My past does not define me, but it is a part of me. Abuse and trauma are more common than we like to admit. In the age of social media where people cloak themselves in the armor of the perfect-life-highlight reel, the need for authenticity and vulnerability are more important than ever. 

Beyond the work that I do, I choose to share my story with others--this includes the good and the stuff I'd rather forget. Like Brene Brown says, we should not overshare details for their shock value, but rather be vulnerable with those who deserve to hear our story. When I am having a conversation with someone at the gym and there is a reason to share an element of my past that is relevant to the discussion: I share it. By being vulnerable, I am allowing those around me to be vulnerable too. This too deepens the bond I have with this person and helps old wounds heal. In a social media age where superficiality dominates, I am continually choosing authenticity. 

To quote Brene Brown again: "One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide." By finding the courage to be vulnerable and share your story, you are helping others realize surviving beyond abuse is possible and that they aren't alone. Dave Pezler's story showed me I wasn't alone. I hope that by sharing my story and listening to the stories of others, we can create not only survival guides, but guides to thrive.

​Until Next Monday...