I never much liked the expression of “living life without regrets.” This statement is often uttered with a sense of superiority and toxic positivity, almost as if living with regret at all is inferior or problematic. But lord knows I have regrets. Having regrets doesn’t mean that I hold onto past tensions or negativity. Instead, I acknowledge these regrets as a component of my unique life, created by many experiences and events (some good, many complicated). In fact, having regrets has helped me in my pursuit of bettering myself.
Another expression that is commonly uttered that I don’t believe in is “the past is just the past and it doesn’t affect me now.” Childhood traumas and life experiences shape our character and influence our decisions (whether we are aware of that or not). Living blindly to how our past informs our present is naive and can allow us to repeat painful patterns or stay trapped in cycles that we would be better off breaking. There are many moments in my life I regret. Two noteworthy examples are marrying the wrong person (twice before finding my Mr. Right) and choosing to work for the state. However, these decisions make up my journey through life and my identity. By acknowledging them and how they didn’t/don’t serve me I have sought better opportunities BECAUSE of them. Negative emotions and feelings, just like regret, are a necessary part of the human experience. They make up who we have been, who we are, and who we are continuing to become. We need night to know light, bad to know well. We can find comfort in the fact that the negative can inspire future positives–if we choose to pursue it (and not remain trapped by negativity). So don’t deny or find shame in your regrets, use them to grow. “And all the voices, all the goals, all the yearnings, all the sorrows, all the pleasures, all the good and evil, all of them together was the world. All of them together was the stream of events, the music of life.” -Hermann Hesse. Until Next Monday…
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AuthorPollyann Keller Archives
October 2024
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